Article By: Katie Hurley (Child & Adolescent Psychotherapist, Parenting Expert)
I am a survivor of suicide. I don't talk about it a lot these days, as I've reached the point where it feels like a lifetime ago. Healing was a long & grief-stricken process. There were times when I felt very alone in my grief & there were times when I felt lost & confused. The trouble w/suicide is that no 1 knows what to say. No 1 knows how to react. So they smile & wave & attempt distraction...but they never ever say the word. The survivors, it seems, are often left to survive on their own. I experienced endless waves of emotion in the days, weeks, months & even years following the loss of my father. The "what ifs" kept me up at night, causing me to float through each day in a state of perpetual exhaustion. Survivor's guilt, indeed.
Yes, I experienced a range of emotions before making peace w/the loss. But 1 thought that never ever (not even for 1 second) crossed my mind was this ill-informed opinion that suicide is selfish. Suicide is a lot of things, but selfish isn't 1 of them.
Suicide is a decision made out of desperation, hopelessness, isolation & loneliness. The black hole that is clinical depression is all-consuming. Feeling like a burden to loved 1s, feeling like there is no way out, feeling trapped & feeling isolated are all common among people who suffer from depression. People who say that suicide is selfish always reference the survivors. It's selfish to leave children, spouses & other family members behind, so they say. They're not thinking about the survivors, or so they would have us believe. What they don't know is that those very loved 1s are the reason many people hang on for just 1 more day. They do think about the survivors, probably up until the very last moment in many cases. But the soul-crushing depression that envelops them leaves them feeling like there is no alternative. Like the only way to get out is to opt out. And that is a devastating thought to endure.
Until you've stared down that level of depression, until you've lost your soul to a sea of emptiness & darkness...you don't get to make those judgments. You might not understand it, & you are certainly entitled to your own feelings, but making those judgments & spreading that kind of negativity won't help the next person. In fact, it will only hurt others.
As the world mourns the loss of Robin Williams, people everywhere are left feeling helpless & confused. How could some1 who appeared so happy in actuality be so very depressed? The truth is that many, many people face the very same struggle each & every day. Some will commit suicide. Some will attempt. & some will hang on for dear life. Most won't be able to ask for the help that they need to overcome their mental illness.
You can help. Know the warning signs for suicide. 50-75% of people who attempt suicide will tell some1 about their intention. Listen when people talk. Make eye contact. Convey empathy. And for the love of people everywhere, put down that ridiculous not-so-SmartPhone & be human. Check in on friends struggling w/depression. Even if they don't answer the phone or come to the door, make an effort to let them know that you are there. Friendship isn't about saving lost souls; friendship is about listening & being present.
Reach out to survivors of suicide. Listen as they tell their stories. Hold their hands. Be kind w/their hearts. And hug them every single time. Encourage help. Learn about the resources in your area so that you can help friends & loved 1s in need. Don't be afraid to check in over & over again. Don't be afraid to convey your concern. 1 human connection can make a big difference in the life of some1 struggling w/mental illness &/or survivor's guilt. 30,000 people commit suicide in the US each year. 750,000 people attempt suicide. It's time to raise awareness, increase empathy & kindness, and bring those #s down. It's time to talk about suicide & depression.
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
Read full article at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hurley/theres-nothing-selfish-about-suicide_b_5672519.html
I am a survivor of suicide. I don't talk about it a lot these days, as I've reached the point where it feels like a lifetime ago. Healing was a long & grief-stricken process. There were times when I felt very alone in my grief & there were times when I felt lost & confused. The trouble w/suicide is that no 1 knows what to say. No 1 knows how to react. So they smile & wave & attempt distraction...but they never ever say the word. The survivors, it seems, are often left to survive on their own. I experienced endless waves of emotion in the days, weeks, months & even years following the loss of my father. The "what ifs" kept me up at night, causing me to float through each day in a state of perpetual exhaustion. Survivor's guilt, indeed.
Yes, I experienced a range of emotions before making peace w/the loss. But 1 thought that never ever (not even for 1 second) crossed my mind was this ill-informed opinion that suicide is selfish. Suicide is a lot of things, but selfish isn't 1 of them.
Suicide is a decision made out of desperation, hopelessness, isolation & loneliness. The black hole that is clinical depression is all-consuming. Feeling like a burden to loved 1s, feeling like there is no way out, feeling trapped & feeling isolated are all common among people who suffer from depression. People who say that suicide is selfish always reference the survivors. It's selfish to leave children, spouses & other family members behind, so they say. They're not thinking about the survivors, or so they would have us believe. What they don't know is that those very loved 1s are the reason many people hang on for just 1 more day. They do think about the survivors, probably up until the very last moment in many cases. But the soul-crushing depression that envelops them leaves them feeling like there is no alternative. Like the only way to get out is to opt out. And that is a devastating thought to endure.
Until you've stared down that level of depression, until you've lost your soul to a sea of emptiness & darkness...you don't get to make those judgments. You might not understand it, & you are certainly entitled to your own feelings, but making those judgments & spreading that kind of negativity won't help the next person. In fact, it will only hurt others.
As the world mourns the loss of Robin Williams, people everywhere are left feeling helpless & confused. How could some1 who appeared so happy in actuality be so very depressed? The truth is that many, many people face the very same struggle each & every day. Some will commit suicide. Some will attempt. & some will hang on for dear life. Most won't be able to ask for the help that they need to overcome their mental illness.
You can help. Know the warning signs for suicide. 50-75% of people who attempt suicide will tell some1 about their intention. Listen when people talk. Make eye contact. Convey empathy. And for the love of people everywhere, put down that ridiculous not-so-SmartPhone & be human. Check in on friends struggling w/depression. Even if they don't answer the phone or come to the door, make an effort to let them know that you are there. Friendship isn't about saving lost souls; friendship is about listening & being present.
Reach out to survivors of suicide. Listen as they tell their stories. Hold their hands. Be kind w/their hearts. And hug them every single time. Encourage help. Learn about the resources in your area so that you can help friends & loved 1s in need. Don't be afraid to check in over & over again. Don't be afraid to convey your concern. 1 human connection can make a big difference in the life of some1 struggling w/mental illness &/or survivor's guilt. 30,000 people commit suicide in the US each year. 750,000 people attempt suicide. It's time to raise awareness, increase empathy & kindness, and bring those #s down. It's time to talk about suicide & depression.
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
Read full article at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hurley/theres-nothing-selfish-about-suicide_b_5672519.html